Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see....

One of the greatest blessings in my life is when the living, breathing, Word of God speaks to me.  I have had the privilege of walking with the Lord Jesus for 20 years now, and I will never cease to be amazed by how He talks with me and teaches me through His Word.  Especially when it's a verse that I have read countless times during these last 20 years.  Such was the case this morning.  An old truth hit me in a new way; a truth that I pray will deepen my relationship with the amazing God who still chooses to bend down to lead and guide His children.

Today, I was in Hebrews 11, reading again about the members of the Hall of Faith.  Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, and the rest. 

"Who, by faith, shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies." 

The older I get, the less inclined I am to think of these men and women as the "greats" of the Christian faith.  They were just ordinary men and women like me, like you, who chose to believe God.  There was nothing extraordinary about them except one thing:  They believed God for what He said and who He is.  Here is the verse that slammed itself into my head and heart this morning:  "Without faith, it is impossible to please God."  I was working through my Bible study this morning and this is what it said concerning this verse: 

"Are you still searching for your calling?  Are you still wrestling with your purpose on this earth?  Our calling is to please Him - to wake up every moring saying, 'Yes, Lord,' then live through the day to discover His questions."

My husband and I are in a new season of life and I am struggling to find out what my calling is in the midst of it.  For the past eight years I knew my role.  Youth pastor's wife; mama; teacher of the Word to high school and college students.  God took most of that away from me and I've felt like a fish out of water.  What now, Lord??  I believe He answered my question this morning.  "You are to concentrate on pleasing Me."  How can I please you, Lord?  "By believing that I AM and that I reward those who earnestly seek Me."  (See Heb. 11:6) 

I am tempted to think in my head, "Well, that's a beginning!!"  But it's not.  It's everything.  I want to understand what it means to walk with God and please Him.  To remember that what I do does not give me my identity.  He does.  I want my story of faith to bring pleasure to my heavenly Daddy who loves me.  What will be written about me in the annuls of heaven? 

"By faith Noah....  by faith Enoch....  by faith Abraham....  by faith Rahab....  by faith Jennifer Travis...."

Learning to Live in the Truth

This mama can sometimes wonder if her life is amounting to much of anything.  What difference can I be making as I wash, hang, and fold 11 loads of laundry this week?  Or fight my way through 400 strawberries to make jam for the year?  Or tend a garden?  Or cook 3 meals a day every day?  Or school my children?  Or love my husband?  And doesn't life sometimes feel like the old(ish) movie Groundhog's Day? 

And then He whispers it to me as I stand alone outside, pinning clothes to the line and listening to the wind rustle the green leaves in our huge maple trees:  It is all for nothing if I'm not doing it with Him.  My significance doesn't lie in what I do.  My worth is NOT found in what I do.  I am worthy because He loves me.  My work is worthy because He makes it so.  Sometimes I feel like I get it, and those are wonderful days of contentment and peace in my soul.  My mind is at rest on those days.  How am I so quick to forget these deep lessons learned?  It is indeed true that the enemy prowls around like a lion waiting to devour any unsuspecting and, dare I say, sleeping son or daughter of the King.  He waits for the morning when I haven't armed myself with the truth of scripture to whisper words that make me doubt and I am so quick to believe those words.  Why am I so quick to believe those words? 

The Lord has taught me something over this past year through my precious husband, and it has made all the difference in me as I learn to think rightly.  It is this:  Always combat the lies of the evil one with the truth of scripture.  So I open His love letter to me and read in Ephesians 1 that our God and Daddy has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 
That He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. 
That He adopted us as sons and daughters through Jesus Christ because it pleased Him to do so! 
That He lavishes His grace on us. 
That He wants me to know in the marrow of my bones the hope to which He has called me:  the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints and His incomparably great power for us who believe. 
That He Himself is my peace. 
And then He leads me to Colossians 3:15-17:

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  AND BE THANKFUL.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

So I will wash, hang, and fold laundry with the Lord, and give thanks to Him that we have clothes to wear.  I will make jam, thanking Him for the bountiful harvest and share what He's blessed us with.  I will tend our garden and be thankful for seeds to plant and good soil to plant them in.  I will make meals and be thankful for food to prepare and put in front of my family at meal times.  I will school my children and be thankful for the opportunity to live out Deuteronomy 6 as we "impress {these commands} on {our} children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."  I will love my husband in front of my children and try to model for them what life can be like when the Lord weaves 2 lives so closely together that they become one flesh, loving one another with the love that the Lord lavishes on us.  And I will remember:  my Daddy King loves me and promises to empower me daily to walk life with Him.  I will not forget again.

 

A Letter

Sweet Biruk Abigail,

You have been here for 8 months and I really can't believe it!  You have brought so much laughter and fun into our house.  I can't remember life without you, and I don't want to!  Your sweetness (and even your difficult-ness at times) has increased the grace and the joy in our house by 10.  Here is a couple of my favorite times with you, Biruk:

*The first time I saw you.  You were so quiet, holding onto daddy's neck.  Your eyes got H-U-G-E when you saw that "jumpy-jumpy" (trampoline:)) and you bounced the tar out of it with us.  You actually hugged me 10 minutes in!  We played catch with a little red ball, and you refused to put your tongue inside of your mouth!:)

*The day that you discovered toys beyond the pull-around-on-a-string dog.  You dug right into that big trunk of toys and had a blast.

*The first time that you kissed me.  It was only the 2nd day that you had been home, and you cuddled right up on my lap and kissed my cheek.  My heart nearly exploded from joy!  You were a sweetheart right from the beginning, weren't you?

*Watching you learn how to swing:)  Now you're a pro, but then...falling off of the swing was a regular thing!  Loved watching your eyes light up when you finally learned how to pump your legs and make that swing go.

*Seeing you warm right up to church.  You loved your "school" from the very first time you went there.  You melted every single teacher's heart, and made just about 100 friends that day.

*I didn't really know you then, but the first time I saw your picture.  It was a cold, gross-looking-kind-of day, and I was over at the neighbors' house.  Leah called me on the phone and told me to "GET OVER HERE!!!"  So, I sprinted across the yard (barefoot.) and ran right to the dining room.  Tears on every face, dad peeking through the window since he had been making maple syrup, and a laptop in front of mom.  "We got a phone call, Em!!" mom said through her tears, "We HAVE A LITTLE GIRL!"  Your picture was small and sweet.  You looked ornery, (Were we right on that or what!?) and your smile was small.  I fell in love right about there.

*When I found out that your name means "blessed".  Hon, we were blessed by you!

*The very first time that you were thrown 30-somethin' feet into the air by daddy...hearing your screech of joy.

These are just a few examples, Biruky:)  There has been many more, and there will be many more. I can not describe how glad I am that you are my sis.  I love you, Biruk.

Love,

Emma

Oh, but for grace

Last evening my amazingly wonderful mother-in-law came to spend time with us.  I was getting up to leave the supper table, distracted, thinking about the meeting I was heading out the door to get to.  They all pretended to cough, all of my sweet loved ones around the dining room table glowing with candlelight and strewn with remnants of a Friday night pizza and bar cookies smeared across little faces.  Gratitude journals busily being scribbled in.  "Stay, mama!  I think I may be getting sick!"  More coughing and giggles.  I try to clean up some of the mess before I have to go, anxiously looking at the clock and knowing that I must be leaving to get there on time.  I give kisses to all of them, making my way around the table as I pulled on my coat to guard against the cold and snow awaiting me outside.  I promise to be gone only as long as I have to, and out the door I went.  I got into my car and put up the garage door, just like always.  I started to back out, just like always.  And then I ran into my mother in law's car.   

I made a big mistake and today feels hard.  

This week, the fuel pump went out in my man's truck, our Yukon is not working right, the heater for our home broke, a tooth chipped in the back of my mouth, we're learning again how to fully trust the Lord to provide for our needs since He called Aaron out of the ministry, and now this.  Ugh.  Double ugh.  Tears are flowing and I'm not trying to stop them.  Sometimes a soul needs a good cleansing.  I noticed that when I cry, I can physically see better.  When tears fill my eyes it's like having the benefit of binoculars; all things around me come into view clearly.  I decide that this is exactly what I need, but I need it more for my spirit.  

When I backed into Mom's car, I received something I clearly did not deserve:  grace.  My mom immediately hugged me, telling me it was going to be just fine.  My man who, truth be told, I was even more worried about than my mom looked me straight in the eyes and held both of my wet cheeks in his strong hands and said, "It's o.k.  God will provide."  Both of them just kept pouring grace out on me all last night and this morning.  But how does one who deserves to be chastised for such a silly mistake accept this grace freely and lovingly given?  I'm only now starting to feel it.  The first impulse is to pulverize the self, let condemning words run freely through the mind and nod the head in utter agreement.  Why?  Because I know that's what I deserve.  Here's what I know.  Grace is hard to give sometimes.  But it is always hard to be on the receiving end of it.  Always.  We're not dummies.  We know what we should get.  And when we don't get it we're dumbfounded.  We don't know what to do with it.  

Isn't this what I've done for the past 20 years of my walk with Christ?  He has poured out grace upon grace over my head, and I've worked and worked to earn it, not daring to fully believe that He gives it not because I deserve it but because He loves me.  Me, who feels the least deserving of it because I know myself.  Surely He must be using this as an object lesson for me.  Accept grace.  Breathe it in.  Live in it.  Rest in it.  Stop the worry and the work and the self-condemnation.  There is no more, NO MORE, condemnation for those who live in Christ Jesus.  So I read this blog by Ann Voskamp and I remember again to force myself to accept grace, and that I can't see all that God is going to do through this but I can know that He will indeed work ALL things to the good of those who love Him and that I need to learn to give thanks in ALL circumstances like the Holy Spirit is teaching me through Paul, and suddenly I begin to see clearly again.

3 months already?

I want to begin this post by thanking everyone for their prayers, encouragement, and support during and after our adoption of Biruk Abigail Travis.  We are so grateful to be a part of a community of believers who actively love us like you do.  I love that the Lord has broadened our friendships to include those attending at least 10 different churches since He called us to adopt.  It's a small taste of what we will experience together in heaven, and it feels good and right.

I would like to fill you in on how Biruk is adjusting to our family.  I meant to do this every so often to keep you updated, but the first 2 months were difficult in that we dealt with unexpected illnesses in both Biruk and I.  I am so thankful that we are feeling better, and also thankful for what the Lord taught us through that difficult time.  Aaron and I both said that we never would have chosen what He gave to us, but we are not sorry.  He drew us together as a couple and made us stronger, our family as a whole learned that we really do need each other, and the Lord showed us yet again that we cannot live this life without Him.  At all.  He is teaching us how to slow down, how to live fully in each moment and be fully present, how to serve one another better and perhaps most importantly, that we must cease living life so isolated.  These are huge lessons for us and we are trying hard to be Mary's and sit at the Master's feet soaking Him and His words all into our minds, bodies, hearts.  

I believe that the timing of these lessons has everything to do with our adoption.  I have had people tell me, "Well, you've got 4 kids already...what's one more??"  One more child to love.  One more child to disciple.  One more child to teach.  One more child to teach me.  One more child to disciple me.  One more child to love me.  One more is a huge thing.  A good thing.  A hard thing.  A beautiful thing.  Adoption has been the clearest earthly picture that God has given to me of redemption.  I get it so much better now.  Redemption is costly; it is messy; the weeks and even months and sometimes years following it can feel uncertain, strange, new, full of adventure with ups, downs, and hairpin curves.  Our adoption has felt much like this; much like what I imagine my heavenly Father has felt since the day He redeemed me.  It is one of the greatest gifts He has ever, ever given to us, this real-life picture of redemption.  I understand His love for me so much better now.  I treasure His patience with me so much more than I ever have before.  Some people think the crazy thought that we have somehow rescued this little girl.  No, it is the other way around.  The Lord is using her to rescue us.  I hope you don't misunderstand me when I say that.  I hope you hear my heart.  Only Christ can save us and it is only by Him that we can be free from sin and spend our lifetime with Him on earth and eternity with Him in heaven.  I know, however, that He oftentimes uses people to draw us into closer relationship with Him and shows us where we are not thinking or behaving rightly.  He uses them to help us "work out our salvation with fear and trembling."  And oh, am I so glad that He decided to use those closest to me to do that.

I am thrilled to report that Biruk Abigail is adjusting beautifully.  She is learning English at an alarmingly fast rate, she sleeps and eats like a champ, she is loving and loveable, she is difficult and incorrigible, she is learning to share and learning to allow family members to love and help her, she gives the best hugs this side of the Mississippi, and she feels like she has always been ours.  We are doing the hard job of living together as a family, and wouldn't have it any other way. 

   

Photo journal 11.15.11

Daddy and Biruk enjoying the first snow of the season

Dressed up as Snow White, pushing Teddy in the stroller, holding an umbrella

Funky and fun sticker glasses

Leaf pile!  You should've seen the tub when I washed her hair after this....

All of our princesses at Halloween

Fun with Eli

11.8.11

A surprisingly warm breeze is charging through my home on this sunny November day.  All of the windows have been opened to welcome it inside, to blow through this little house and refresh us all.  I watch my sweet son and daughters outside, laughing and playing, screeching and singing, running and jumping on the trampoline, chasing the leaves being blown through the yard.  Almost all of the leaves are off of the trees now, signaling the soon-coming winter season with all of the cold and snow (oh please, Lord....LOTS of snow) and rosy cheeks and sledding.  How blessed to have the privilege of living this small life with those in our little family. . .Emma with her quiet, sweet ways.  Eli contemplative with eyes wide open, never missing anything.  Leah with her dimpled grin, sparkling blue eyes and passion to live life.  Kristen showing us every day that life lived outside in the fresh air really is better.  Biruk Abigail giving us the joy of arms open wide to love us and a smile to chase any dark cloud away.  

It is a life to be thankful for, to be sure.  It is a life worth living slowly, savoring every moment and entering fully into it without thinking about "what's next."  Isn't it true...really, really true...that this life, these small moments sprinkled on me throughout the day, are gifts?  Presents wrapped up in freckled cheeks, laundry, cooking, disagreements, not being able to find cell phone and car keys, read-alouds, laughter around the table, and wet leaves in the washing machine?  Then why oh why do I so often not think of it that way?  Why do I so often feel like I must trudge my way through this day instead of dancing through it and thanking the Lord for what happens in it, good and bad?  "Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise" the psalmist sings over me.  What I most long for is to feel near to my Lord, to be with Him as close as I can be in this flesh and not die from the exposure.  To be close to Him I must learn the discipline of thanking and praising Him.  My joy in this life depends on it.  Isn't that what sets us as Christ-followers apart, this joy in Him that can be found no where else?  Shouldn't I be able to feel the joy of being close to Him even when circumstances in my life would threaten to steal it?  The answer is yes, and I am now on the hunt for it, this joy that I have let Satan steal from me.  What is amazing to me is that I don't have to make my way to Jerusalem or some other holy site to find it.  It's jumping right now on the trampoline with velvety soft skin and big brown eyes shouting, "Mama, look at me!!"  It's building volcanoes out of sand in the neighbor's yard and giggling little girls whispering in one another's ears.  It's in my own back yard in hues of gold and scarlet-red.  It's blowing through the house carrying the scent of freshly turned up earth with it.  "Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever."  Indeed.