The Journey Home

Saturday, September 3, 2011

"All Is Grace........"

Life is never what we expect it to be, is it?  Even in the midst of earnest prayer, of purposefully reading and earnest conversation with those who've gone before us, we can never be fully prepared for what real life will be like when whatever big moment we've been waiting for finally arrives. . .

Responsibility can weigh heavy.  Feelings of inadequacy can cause panic.  Performing well, especially in the sight of so many who have been faithful to pray and help in a myriad of ways, can quickly become your focus.  Fear can creep in the middle of the night and choke.  

What is one to do?  Things must be done.  Children must be discipled, given a place to love and be loved, to grow and create, to learn the mysterious and beautiful ways of God. . .and how?  By watching and listening and, scarily enough, emulating the adults God Himself has given to them.  Even typing that, fear begins to take hold in a heart.  

This is when He calls, real quiet. . .soothing words for a frightened soul.  "Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."  "My peace I give to you...I do not give as the world gives."  "You will find rest for your souls."  "I will never, ever leave you or forsake you."  "Cast all your cares on Me, for I care for you."   

It has taken me years to learn, and I'm almost ashamed and a little shy to say that I am still daily learning it.  It is not about my ability to perform.  It is not about my capability to DO.  It is about learning to belong in Him.  Learning to live, even to take each breath, in the security of His love.  It is about learning to give thanks in all things, even and maybe especially, in the hard; in the things that push us way beyond our own limits, to the place where faith lives.  Isn't this what I've been asking for all these years?  Sometimes, I admit, I need for my faith to become sight; I need for Him to show me that I am walking exactly where He wants me to walk and He's directing my every step, even holding me and walking with me in His strong, comforting arms when the way is unfamiliar.  

But He's already been here, hasn't He?  He is the great I AM...He is fully present in the future.  This way is not unfamiliar to Him.  This path is One that He's been down.  He knows where to go.  He knows what I'll need for the journey, and He'll be sweetly faithful to give it, without reservation.  " much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts if you ask Him?"  

Someone signs each of her e-mails, "All is Grace".  I am learning this is true.  ALL is grace.  ALL is precious gift, because it comes directly from the hand of a loving God.  This is the net that holds me up, that catches me when fear grabs and I feel like I'm falling.  He is with me.  Always, always, He is with me.

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